Define: Crush

  Crush: 

When you have a crush on someone it means you have developed a strong desire for another person. Eventually it may grow into true love or your feelings might wear away so don't jump into conclusions and mistake a silly crush for love. A crush might make you get butterflies in your stomach, shy, and blushful. Your crush can also cause you to do silly things like stalking him,figuring out his/her sceduled classes, looking at his/her Facebook a million times a day (even reading all his/her comments), collecting every piece of information you can on him/her, and other obsessive things. There is a reason why a crush is called a crush though. It might hurt to find out your crush is taken--OUCH! But if you are truely still into this person DON'T let that stop you. There is still hope for the future. Until your desired lover is single again try developing a frienship! That way you'll always be an option. Good luck! ( :  Ps-Don't go OD on the stalker thing. Not only is it a turnoff--it's also pretty darn creepy...

(2.) v. the process by which people are killed when thrown beneath a steam-roller or other placed in between two solid surfaces with force being applied toward them that the body cannot withstand. Ahhhh urbandictionary.com  always has the best definition of words. Its funny how well these two definitions define the same word. It's a word I use often: crush.  If you know me well, you know that when I develop a crush, its pretty darn intense. It may only last for a week, but for that one week, I am obsessed. And then, at the end of that week, something always happens to break that crush, and then I feel like I am being slowly squished by a steamroller. This happens often. It seems like by this point in my life I would know how it was going to end. I would know not to let it happen. But, over and over and over again it happens. And I can't stop. I so wish I could, life would be so much easier. So...I am going to try very very hard to not let it happen anymore. I hate the crush cycle, I hate feeling down and blue every time it happens. I don't want it anymore. I am happy with things the way they are. I have the best friends anyone could ask for, a family that loves me unconditionally, a job that is beyond fulfilling, classes that intrigue me, and a future that can't wait for.  Now that that's out of my mind, I can sleep the night away in peace, listening to the rain hit my skylights. Love, Tayleranne P.S...there is something wrong with my blog. I don't know why the words are highlighted in white :(

This term is flying by! I know I have said it before, but holy buckets! How is this happening?

I was walking to class this morning, looking at the beautiful leaves changing colors right before my eyes.  This campus seriously catches on fire in the fall, the trees are the most amazing colors, so bright and awesome.  I wish I could just stop, make a pile of leaves, remove any spiders, and then roll around in them. I have a feeling that doing that would make my day infinitely better.

Every fall I am reminded how natural change is in our lives. In some way or another we all resist it, because it's scary, but it has to happen.  We see the trees go through an enormous change every fall, and can they resist it? No way, they embrace it, it is how things are supposed to happen. So why am I always pushing change away? I need to learn to be like the trees, and accept the change with bright, beautiful colors.

If you are wondering why I am going on about change, it's because a lot of it has come my way in the past 5 weeks, and I know that so much more is on its way.  The next few years will be packed with changing times, changing places, and changing people. I want to be ready when it comes, I want to be happy when it comes, and I want to thrive in those changes.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! Take time to admire the beauty of fall while you still can!

<3 Tayleranne

Never alone...

It has been a good amount of time since I last posted, and while a lot has happened in the past few months, I really don't feel like re-capping it all. So...I am not going to.

That being said, I just wanted to share a song with anyone who chooses to read this, and actually pays attention to what I am saying.  Never Alone, by Lady Antebellum has been on repeat on my iPod for the past few days because it is a constant reminder to me that we are in fact, never alone.  Lately I have been feeling a bit down and out, lonely, unimportant.  This song reminds me every time I hear it that things are never as bad as they seem.

Listen to the lyrics carefully, and know how true they really are.  <3

Little bits of advice...

I came across this bit of wonderfulness yesterday in the strangest of places, Amazon.com.  But, I like it a lot, so I thought I could share it with anyone who actually cares to read what I have to say!

Below is a guest post by psychologist Dr. Mardy Grothe, author of six books of qoutations. His newest book Neverisms is a comical, and at times even instructive, collection of things never to do.
When people say things like "Always do your best" they're engaging in the time-honored practice of exhortation. But what is the proper term for strongly-worded attempts to discourage people—as when people say things like "Never ruin an apology with an excuse." The proper term is dehortation, the opposite of exhortation. That word is rare, though, so I've coined my own term for these kinds of strongly-worded cautionary warnings. I've also used it to title my new book. In Neverisms: A Quotation Lover's Guide to Things You Should Never Do, Never Say, or Never Forget, you will find nearly 2,000 pieces of "dissuasive advice given with authority." Some are ancient, but with modern relevance.


1) "Never dare to judge until you have heard the other side." --Euripides, 5th century B.C.
2) "Never promise more than you can perform." --Publilius Syrus, 1st century B.C.

Some come from modern, and even slightly unexpected, voices:

3) "Never dull your shine for somebody else." --Tyra Banks
4) "Never let go of the fiery sadness called desire." --Patti Smith

Even legendary sports stars have gotten into the act:

5) "Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit."--Wilma Rudolph
6) "Never let the fear of striking out get in your way." --"Babe" Ruth

Some have an impressive metaphorical quality:

7) "Never cut what you can untie."--Joseph Joubert
8) "Never offer your heart to someone who eats hearts." --Alice Walker

And some are beautiful examples of paradoxical phrasing:

9) "Never let your sense of morals keep you from doing what is right." --Isaac Asimov
10) "Do you wish men to speak well of you? Then never speak well of yourself."--Blaise Pascal

The conclusion? Never underestimate the power of a neverism to improve your life.

It has been a while...

I have started so many blogs recently, but none of them have been published. But today I am actually going to do it.  A lot has happened recently, and it has taken me time to process everything. I ran for Vice President of the Associated Student Body of Western Oregon University. I put in a good fight, but in the end it just wasn't enough.  This isn't the first time this has happened to me, I have lost before, and I will likely lose again sometime in my future. Luckily though, this loss didn't crush me as past losses did.  I have learned that out of every loss, out of every heartbreak, something better comes. I have seen this happen in my life twice now, and I know that it is going to happen again. The exciting thing about this is that I have absolutely no idea what this new thing is going to be! It could be anything in the world, and I am so so excited to see what God has coming my way!

In other news...I will be 20 a week from today, and I am not really sure how I feel about that. In the past I have had a countdown to my birthday because I loved it! This year though, I am not sure that I am ready for it to come.  20 just seems so...old. I know its not old, but it is going to be so weird not to be considered a teenager anymore.  I have one week left of my teenage years, what will I do with it? Well...we will have to wait and see :)

Love,
   Tayleranne

Week 4?!?

The weeks are literally flying by. I cannot believe that it is week 4 of Spring term already...it just does not seem possible.  A lot has happened in the past few weeks...past 6 weeks actually, so I have a lot to say!

I know that Spring Break was quite some time ago, but I figured I could write about it anyway? Okay good, I am glad you agree :) I went to Nashville for my break, which was a really awesome experience. Most of my time was spend helping out my mom and dad with the trade show they produce, but I got to do some sight seeing while I was there! Nashville is such a fun city, there is always something going on, and there is so much music its amazing! While I was there I got to meet Ruben Studdard, who won the 2nd Season of American Idol. His season was the first one I watched and it was because of that season that I became really invested in Idol. I don't watch it anymore, I left when Paula left.  Anyway...seeing him perform and meeting him was a really awesome experience.

My mom, Ruben, and I after the show.

After the week in Nashville I got to experience my first cross country road trip. Nashville to Eugene in about 3.5 days. Needless to say, it was a TON of driving. But, I got to see some incredibly beautiful landscape.

School started again, 4 weeks ago, and since then things have been crazy.  My schedule is about as bad as the come, Spanish at 8 am, and one class or another every night. Not my ideal schedule, but there is nothing I can do about it now.

A couple weeks ago I went on the PLUS Team Retreat, which was very special. It was a very emotional weekend, but I got to connect with some people that I would never have connected with otherwise. I can't wait for this summer and new student week! Its going to be a blast!

One last thing to say before I sign off...I got some awesome news! I was accepted to a summer leadership program through Portland State University. I applied for it in March, and I just found out I got in! Its called New Leadership Oregon and its going to be a fantastic experience! I really cannot wait!

I think thats it for now...I just have to make it through 6 more weeks and then summer is upon us! :)

Love,

Tayleranne

Century of Action

    Last night was truly one of the most amazing nights I have experienced. This term I took a class about Oregon Woman Suffrage History. Next year, 2012, will be the centennial of women Oregonians getting the right to vote. In my class we were each assigned a topic and a handful of articles from 1912 to transcribe and then write an essay about. My topic was the Portland Woman's Club and the 1912 Campaign.  At first I was intimidated by the thought of writing this big contextual essay, it seemed so hard! But as I progressed I became more and more interested in my topic, and slowly realized that I could do it!

  Last night was the official kick-off event to celebrate the website.  It was held at the capitol and many very important people were there. Along with Oregon Secretary of State Kate Brown, former Governor Barbara Roberts, and various legislators, were many authors who have written about the very topics we were researching.  Both the Secretary of State and the former Governor spoke. Those of you who know me know that I am still trying to figure out exactly what I want to do with the Political Science degree I am currently working for, but after the speeches I heard last night I think I may have an idea. No, I won't share it with you yet, but just know that I was inspired, and that I have a lot of hope for my future.

In addition to hearing a few inspirational speeches I got to meet some awesome people.  Never before have I met an author whose work I cited in a paper, and when Jean Ward (one of the authors I cited) approached me, I was simply overwhelmed. It was such an awesome experience to talk with her, and share my knowledge with her.  What was even cooler was the fact that I had some information from the old newspaper articles that she had not come across before, and the fact that I was able to help her out was very fulfilling.

All in all, it will not be a night that I will soon forget, and I am looking forward to many more just like it.
If you are interested in reading my article (come on, who wouldn't be right?) here is the link. Enjoy!

http://centuryofaction.org/index.php/main_site/document_project/the_portland_womans_club_and_the_1912_campaign
  

Love,
  Tayleranne

A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out. ~Grace Pulpit

A certain someone has been bugging me to write a new post for a few days now. The problem is, I could not figure out what in the world to write about! So, I sat here for a while starting various posts and then erasing them. Finally and idea came to my mind. There is a website that I am a fan of, called http://lettersillneversend.com/. I love reading all the things people would say if they could, if they had the nerve to actually send that letter. I have written to the site, but there are two people in particular that I want to know how I feel about them. They will know who they are, I don't need to include any names. And, if its not you, please don't be hurt, I am sure that one day I will end up writing about you too :)

 

Person Number 1

 The summer before our Freshman year was the first time I had ever heard your name. I was scared, we both were, how were we supposed to live with a complete and total stranger?! Looking back, I am beyond grateful that God did what he did. I cannot imagine life without you. We clicked so fast, I was afraid it wouldn't last at first. But as time has marched on I have realized that we were meant to meet, we were meant to become best friends. It makes me laugh sometimes just how different we really are. Usually big differences tear people apart, but for us it somehow created a bond that cannot, and will not be broken.  You helped me through a very difficult time in my life, and through it all you were on my side %100. I am so so thankful for that, and I don't think that I have ever thanked you. So, thank you.

This past weekend when we were at my house, and we sat in the hot tub for 2 hours just talking away. As we were sitting there I was thinking about the future, imaging what it would be like, and I could not imagine it without you and that other girl who was in the hot tub in it. I want to be middle aged, married with kids, working at a job I love, and hanging out with you in a hot tub whenever we find a free weekend.  I am looking forward to years of friendship, I am looking forward to getting to know you even better than I already do. I love you, you mean so much to me.

Person Number 2

I have known you for about a year and a half. We met last fall as awkward Freshman. We were both trying to figure out who we were now that the comfort that was high school was no longer surrounding us.  We were not instant best friends, but that quickly changed.  Now that we are best friends I know that I am so incredibly lucky to have met you, and that God brought you into my life (and kept you there through some difficult times) for a reason.  We can read each others expressions, we often predict what the other is thinking, I know that you love chocolate, you knows that I love being on time.  We are so different, and yet so similar. 

There was a time when I thought I had lost you, and it broke me heart. Since then though, we have become even better friends, and I could not ask for a better friend.  You deal with my strange obsession with timeliness, and I know that it can be so annoying, yet you just smile and remind me to slow down, which is something I need to be told often.  

Recently we went into business together, taking on the names Deborah and Pam.  Why did we do this others may ask? Well, because when we are best friends we simply cannot work on a project together without getting distracted.  This simple fact shows me how perfect our friendship is. We have so much fun together, even when we work on homework. 

I will say the same thing to you as I did to Person Number 1. I can't see my future without you in it. I love you so so much.

 They say that you make your life long friends in college, and though this is only my second year I have made two best friends that I expect to last a life time. 

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.  Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.  ~Flavia Weedn

Love,

   Tayleranne

Sick daze. Super Sweet Sixteen.

    Its funny how something as simple as being sick can completely alter a day.  Sunday morning I woke up with a terrible headache, a chest that was killing me, and a cough that was strong enough to make me cry.  It only got worse from there. With Monday came the shakes and a fever, along with aches and pains.  I didnt leave my room at all Monday, and every time I had to get up to get something I felt like I was going to pass out. Tuesday wasn't much different, although I am proud to say I made it to one of my classes! (Even though I left early at the Professors demand.)  Today is Wednesday, and while the cough and killer chest still persist, I am finally seeing the light at the end of this tunnel.
  On Monday when I was  barricaded in my dorm room I spent most of the day watching "My Super Sweet Sixteen Blingest Bash 2"...sounds exciting right? Well, this was a count down of the top 10 most expensive Sweet Sixteen bashes thrown on the show.  The amount of money these people spent to party for one night was absolutely ridiculous.  The number 1 bash cost somewhere around $1,000,000. How do these people see that as okay? Do they not read the news or watch TV and see all the people struggling to eat in this country?  They go and spend $415,000 on a car, this car to be exact:

Maybach by Mercedes 

    It's not even an awesome car! Sure, there is plenty of legroom in the back, and every time someone got this car for the birthday they got a driver along with it, which usually cost somewhere around $40,000 a year.  I dont know any 16 year old who would rather have a driver drive them around, but I guess we live in a different world. A world where $415,000 buys a nice house, a world where most people wouldn't even consider blowing that much money on a car.

    Well, that is my rant for now. Hopefully I am on the downward slope of this sickness and by tomorrow I will be as good as new. I hope you are all having a wonderful day!

Love,

    Tayleranne

  

Change.

I have always hated change.  Leaving middle school for high school was tough. Leaving high school for university was even tougher, I didn't think I was going to make it. But guess what? I did, I made it. And not only did I make it, I made it awesomely.  But now I find myself craving change. Not huge change, but something significant enough to make a difference.


My friend Kelsey and I are doing a challenge for the next 8 days. It is going to be hard, and I know that I will struggle, but I know that it is so worth it.  I am in a funk, I need change in my life, and I think that this challenge might just be the perfect thing for me.   How it works is that we will get an e-mail every morning with the directions for the change we are supposed to make that day. Don't worry, they dont involve dying hair or piercing things. These are more personal that, and thus, so much more challenging.  Here is the list:


Negative behaviors that must be TEMPORARILY SUSPENDED during the challenge:

• All forms of whining and complaining
• Talking about fatigue, boredom or aches and pains
• Gossip-based conversations
• Condemning language of any kind
• Exasperating body language
• Criticism of spouse, kids, coworkers and even politicians
• Worrisome thoughts or words
• Nursing old wounds
• Can you think of anything else that should be avoided?

Some of these are going to be much challenging than others. I know that I am going to struggle with worrisome thoughts or words. As you may know, I am THE BIGGEST worrier in the world. Even the smallest things can set me on a whirlwind of worry. I am fairly confident that I will be able to resist whining and complaining, mainly because those are traits that tend to annoy me.  Criticism of others, now that might be a challenging one too.

I am really excited about this challenge.  I am really excited to make these changes in my life, and to hopefully get rid of these traits permanently. 

Well thats that. I will let you all know how it goes. I promise.

On a side note, I hope you all have a wonderful Valentines Day tomorrow. For all you love bugs, spend time with that special someone. And for all you singles like me, take the opportunity to love everyone a little more, even if only for one day.  

Love,

Tayleranne

What if?

   I watch a lot of TV shows, I feel like this is something you should know about me. Some people might say it's a problem, but if TV is my addiction then I am perfectly okay with that.  On a regular basis I watch Glee, Chuck, Cougar Town, Harry's Law, Greek, Parenthood, Fairly Legal, Pretty Little Liars, Saturday Night Live, and Bones. I know that that is a lot, but sometimes, when my day was terrible or I just want to veg out and not think about things, the thought that there are multiple shows waiting for me in my Hulu queue makes everything much more bearable.
  Earlier today I was watching the Bones episode from last week.  I absolutely love Bones, I have from the pilot, and I will until the series finale.  The immense love felt by Booth for Dr. Brennan is so awesome, and so heart warming, that I keep coming back for more.  Now, for any of you who are Bones fans you will know that Booth is not with Dr. Brennan (at the moment), but he still loves her. One of his lines in last weeks episode really struck me. Booth said to Brennan that

"...you can love a lot of people in this world, but there is only one person that you love the most."

   This line made me take a second to think.  Is this true? Is there really only one person you love the most? There are a lot of people I love in this world, but I can't pick one that I love the most. I love them all differently, but I don't love one more than the other.  While I was pondering this very philosophical quote a thought suddenly struck me. What if the reason I don't have one person I love the most is because I haven't found that person yet?  What if they are out there somewhere, waiting to be found? What if?

   I was talking to Kelsey about an hour ago, telling her how I hate "What if" because it often holds us back.  I am a worrier by nature, and "What if" is a question that crosses my mind hourly.  But this "What if" was different. This one was a happy "What if", one full of possibility rather than doubt, hope, rather than fear. This is a "What if" that I want to think about, not one that I will push to the back of my mind, hoping to never come across again.  From now on I am going to try to embrace all of those "What if" moments in life, because who know? One of those "What ifs" might just lead to something amazing.

Love,

   Tayleranne

Say what you need to say, say what you need to say.

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

    Have you ever wanted to say something so badly it hurts? Have you ever spent hours thinking of how you would say that one thing to that one person if you ever had the opportunity? Have you even imagined being able to say things without worrying about other peoples reactions? I have, and I am sure you have, at least once.  

    For the past 6 months I have thought daily of what I would say if I could say it.  I have imagined perfect settings, beautifully crafted words, and the ideal response. I have planned it all out in my mind, down to every last detail.  But then I remember, this is never going to happen.  Things a rarely, if ever, perfect.  People never react they way you hope they will, and no matter how many times you practice your script, something about the delivery will be faulty.

  Communication in todays world is technically so much easy, what with texting, and facebook, and e-mail. But sometimes all the technology makes everything so much harder. Nothing is personal anymore. Nothing is special.  I wish that it was still "cool" to send letters. I wish that people still had the guts to talk face to face rather than send thing through the wire.  I am totally a hypocrite by saying this, because I know how to text up a storm, and most of the time you can find me with my phone nearby.  Even so, I still wish things were different.

   More than anything though, I wish I could truly follow John Mayer's advice in this song. I wish that I could say what I need to say, and not be afraid.  But I can't, at least not yet. I am too afraid of the way things would be after I say that thing.  I am afraid that things could turn bad,but I am also afraid that they could turn out the way I want them to.   This is something I struggle with daily, but I know that someday I will overcome it all. I will be able to say that thing, to that person. Eventually I have to say it, or it will be something I regret for the rest of my life. My goal is to never regret anything, but I don't think that that is possible.  I have regrets, lots of them actually.  But I would rather not let not saying something I needed to say be one.

Lazy Saturday

If there was one habit that I desperately wish I could kick, it would be procrastination. I don't know why, but its so hard to be motivated to do something when I know that I have a few more days to finish it.   For example, I could be writing a 5 to 6 page history paper right now, but instead I am loading new CD's into iTunes and blogging.  Luckily, I know that I am not the only person that has this problem, and I know that I will get this paper done. It might happen Monday night, but I will finish it before class on Tuesday.
On a completely different note, I realized recently that I like country music. Growing up I liked it sometimes, but most of the time it bothered me. I have always liked some country artists, like Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift, but now I like so many more. Last week I went to "Country Strong" with Erin, and I finally admitted to myself that I actually like country music a lot.  This was hard to do for some reason, but now that I have embraced it, it's awesome! Don't worry, I am not going to start wearing cowgirl hats and saying yeehaw, but my iTunes is gaining more songs in a genre that has never before held many tracks. Please tell me if I suddenly have a twang, just because I am from the west and live in what some would consider the country does not mean I want to get too in to this stuff.
Okay...no more procrastinating. Time to at least start this paper. And maybe catch up on some shows, my Hulu is getting pretty full y'all.  ;)

Love,
  Tayleranne

Well here goes nothing...

Everyone says that there is a first time for everything. I don't completely agree with that statement (after all, sometimes there is only one time for something), but this is the first time I have blogged.  I am hoping that someone out there will enjoy all of the random things I have to say, but if no one does, at least it gives me space to vent.
A lot has been on my mind lately. I am halfway done with my Sophomore year of college, and I am still so amazed that the time has flown by this quickly. It seems like it was just last week that Hayley and Adrianna and I were freaking out about graduating from high school. It seems that yesterday I met Erin and moved into my first college dorm. But the reality is, those things both happened over a year ago.  Here is a statement I do agree with: as we get older, time goes by faster.  Obviously it doesn't actually speed up,  but somehow we get so caught up in what we are doing that we never take the time to slow things down. Thats what I want, I just want to slow down.
I want to take the time to walk down the street and really take everything in. I want to sit and watch the clouds all day long, without once wanting to look at my phone. I want to sit and think about things. Think, why are things this way? Are there things about my life I need to change? Are there people in my life that I need to talk to more often? Are there things I need to say? The answer to all of these questions is yes, absolutely yes.
I am going to challenge myself, and you if you are interested, to take time every day to appreciate something. Whether that thing is nature, or a painting, or a person. Whatever it is, cherish it, because it will be gone before you know it.
Well, my brother is sleeping on the couch next to me, which means I need to get him to bed. Goodnight my friends, I hope you have a relaxing and fulfilling weekend.

Love,
   Tayleranne