Sick daze. Super Sweet Sixteen.

    Its funny how something as simple as being sick can completely alter a day.  Sunday morning I woke up with a terrible headache, a chest that was killing me, and a cough that was strong enough to make me cry.  It only got worse from there. With Monday came the shakes and a fever, along with aches and pains.  I didnt leave my room at all Monday, and every time I had to get up to get something I felt like I was going to pass out. Tuesday wasn't much different, although I am proud to say I made it to one of my classes! (Even though I left early at the Professors demand.)  Today is Wednesday, and while the cough and killer chest still persist, I am finally seeing the light at the end of this tunnel.
  On Monday when I was  barricaded in my dorm room I spent most of the day watching "My Super Sweet Sixteen Blingest Bash 2"...sounds exciting right? Well, this was a count down of the top 10 most expensive Sweet Sixteen bashes thrown on the show.  The amount of money these people spent to party for one night was absolutely ridiculous.  The number 1 bash cost somewhere around $1,000,000. How do these people see that as okay? Do they not read the news or watch TV and see all the people struggling to eat in this country?  They go and spend $415,000 on a car, this car to be exact:

Maybach by Mercedes 

    It's not even an awesome car! Sure, there is plenty of legroom in the back, and every time someone got this car for the birthday they got a driver along with it, which usually cost somewhere around $40,000 a year.  I dont know any 16 year old who would rather have a driver drive them around, but I guess we live in a different world. A world where $415,000 buys a nice house, a world where most people wouldn't even consider blowing that much money on a car.

    Well, that is my rant for now. Hopefully I am on the downward slope of this sickness and by tomorrow I will be as good as new. I hope you are all having a wonderful day!

Love,

    Tayleranne

  

Change.

I have always hated change.  Leaving middle school for high school was tough. Leaving high school for university was even tougher, I didn't think I was going to make it. But guess what? I did, I made it. And not only did I make it, I made it awesomely.  But now I find myself craving change. Not huge change, but something significant enough to make a difference.


My friend Kelsey and I are doing a challenge for the next 8 days. It is going to be hard, and I know that I will struggle, but I know that it is so worth it.  I am in a funk, I need change in my life, and I think that this challenge might just be the perfect thing for me.   How it works is that we will get an e-mail every morning with the directions for the change we are supposed to make that day. Don't worry, they dont involve dying hair or piercing things. These are more personal that, and thus, so much more challenging.  Here is the list:


Negative behaviors that must be TEMPORARILY SUSPENDED during the challenge:

• All forms of whining and complaining
• Talking about fatigue, boredom or aches and pains
• Gossip-based conversations
• Condemning language of any kind
• Exasperating body language
• Criticism of spouse, kids, coworkers and even politicians
• Worrisome thoughts or words
• Nursing old wounds
• Can you think of anything else that should be avoided?

Some of these are going to be much challenging than others. I know that I am going to struggle with worrisome thoughts or words. As you may know, I am THE BIGGEST worrier in the world. Even the smallest things can set me on a whirlwind of worry. I am fairly confident that I will be able to resist whining and complaining, mainly because those are traits that tend to annoy me.  Criticism of others, now that might be a challenging one too.

I am really excited about this challenge.  I am really excited to make these changes in my life, and to hopefully get rid of these traits permanently. 

Well thats that. I will let you all know how it goes. I promise.

On a side note, I hope you all have a wonderful Valentines Day tomorrow. For all you love bugs, spend time with that special someone. And for all you singles like me, take the opportunity to love everyone a little more, even if only for one day.  

Love,

Tayleranne

What if?

   I watch a lot of TV shows, I feel like this is something you should know about me. Some people might say it's a problem, but if TV is my addiction then I am perfectly okay with that.  On a regular basis I watch Glee, Chuck, Cougar Town, Harry's Law, Greek, Parenthood, Fairly Legal, Pretty Little Liars, Saturday Night Live, and Bones. I know that that is a lot, but sometimes, when my day was terrible or I just want to veg out and not think about things, the thought that there are multiple shows waiting for me in my Hulu queue makes everything much more bearable.
  Earlier today I was watching the Bones episode from last week.  I absolutely love Bones, I have from the pilot, and I will until the series finale.  The immense love felt by Booth for Dr. Brennan is so awesome, and so heart warming, that I keep coming back for more.  Now, for any of you who are Bones fans you will know that Booth is not with Dr. Brennan (at the moment), but he still loves her. One of his lines in last weeks episode really struck me. Booth said to Brennan that

"...you can love a lot of people in this world, but there is only one person that you love the most."

   This line made me take a second to think.  Is this true? Is there really only one person you love the most? There are a lot of people I love in this world, but I can't pick one that I love the most. I love them all differently, but I don't love one more than the other.  While I was pondering this very philosophical quote a thought suddenly struck me. What if the reason I don't have one person I love the most is because I haven't found that person yet?  What if they are out there somewhere, waiting to be found? What if?

   I was talking to Kelsey about an hour ago, telling her how I hate "What if" because it often holds us back.  I am a worrier by nature, and "What if" is a question that crosses my mind hourly.  But this "What if" was different. This one was a happy "What if", one full of possibility rather than doubt, hope, rather than fear. This is a "What if" that I want to think about, not one that I will push to the back of my mind, hoping to never come across again.  From now on I am going to try to embrace all of those "What if" moments in life, because who know? One of those "What ifs" might just lead to something amazing.

Love,

   Tayleranne

Say what you need to say, say what you need to say.

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

    Have you ever wanted to say something so badly it hurts? Have you ever spent hours thinking of how you would say that one thing to that one person if you ever had the opportunity? Have you even imagined being able to say things without worrying about other peoples reactions? I have, and I am sure you have, at least once.  

    For the past 6 months I have thought daily of what I would say if I could say it.  I have imagined perfect settings, beautifully crafted words, and the ideal response. I have planned it all out in my mind, down to every last detail.  But then I remember, this is never going to happen.  Things a rarely, if ever, perfect.  People never react they way you hope they will, and no matter how many times you practice your script, something about the delivery will be faulty.

  Communication in todays world is technically so much easy, what with texting, and facebook, and e-mail. But sometimes all the technology makes everything so much harder. Nothing is personal anymore. Nothing is special.  I wish that it was still "cool" to send letters. I wish that people still had the guts to talk face to face rather than send thing through the wire.  I am totally a hypocrite by saying this, because I know how to text up a storm, and most of the time you can find me with my phone nearby.  Even so, I still wish things were different.

   More than anything though, I wish I could truly follow John Mayer's advice in this song. I wish that I could say what I need to say, and not be afraid.  But I can't, at least not yet. I am too afraid of the way things would be after I say that thing.  I am afraid that things could turn bad,but I am also afraid that they could turn out the way I want them to.   This is something I struggle with daily, but I know that someday I will overcome it all. I will be able to say that thing, to that person. Eventually I have to say it, or it will be something I regret for the rest of my life. My goal is to never regret anything, but I don't think that that is possible.  I have regrets, lots of them actually.  But I would rather not let not saying something I needed to say be one.

Lazy Saturday

If there was one habit that I desperately wish I could kick, it would be procrastination. I don't know why, but its so hard to be motivated to do something when I know that I have a few more days to finish it.   For example, I could be writing a 5 to 6 page history paper right now, but instead I am loading new CD's into iTunes and blogging.  Luckily, I know that I am not the only person that has this problem, and I know that I will get this paper done. It might happen Monday night, but I will finish it before class on Tuesday.
On a completely different note, I realized recently that I like country music. Growing up I liked it sometimes, but most of the time it bothered me. I have always liked some country artists, like Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift, but now I like so many more. Last week I went to "Country Strong" with Erin, and I finally admitted to myself that I actually like country music a lot.  This was hard to do for some reason, but now that I have embraced it, it's awesome! Don't worry, I am not going to start wearing cowgirl hats and saying yeehaw, but my iTunes is gaining more songs in a genre that has never before held many tracks. Please tell me if I suddenly have a twang, just because I am from the west and live in what some would consider the country does not mean I want to get too in to this stuff.
Okay...no more procrastinating. Time to at least start this paper. And maybe catch up on some shows, my Hulu is getting pretty full y'all.  ;)

Love,
  Tayleranne

Well here goes nothing...

Everyone says that there is a first time for everything. I don't completely agree with that statement (after all, sometimes there is only one time for something), but this is the first time I have blogged.  I am hoping that someone out there will enjoy all of the random things I have to say, but if no one does, at least it gives me space to vent.
A lot has been on my mind lately. I am halfway done with my Sophomore year of college, and I am still so amazed that the time has flown by this quickly. It seems like it was just last week that Hayley and Adrianna and I were freaking out about graduating from high school. It seems that yesterday I met Erin and moved into my first college dorm. But the reality is, those things both happened over a year ago.  Here is a statement I do agree with: as we get older, time goes by faster.  Obviously it doesn't actually speed up,  but somehow we get so caught up in what we are doing that we never take the time to slow things down. Thats what I want, I just want to slow down.
I want to take the time to walk down the street and really take everything in. I want to sit and watch the clouds all day long, without once wanting to look at my phone. I want to sit and think about things. Think, why are things this way? Are there things about my life I need to change? Are there people in my life that I need to talk to more often? Are there things I need to say? The answer to all of these questions is yes, absolutely yes.
I am going to challenge myself, and you if you are interested, to take time every day to appreciate something. Whether that thing is nature, or a painting, or a person. Whatever it is, cherish it, because it will be gone before you know it.
Well, my brother is sleeping on the couch next to me, which means I need to get him to bed. Goodnight my friends, I hope you have a relaxing and fulfilling weekend.

Love,
   Tayleranne