Say what you need to say, say what you need to say.

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

    Have you ever wanted to say something so badly it hurts? Have you ever spent hours thinking of how you would say that one thing to that one person if you ever had the opportunity? Have you even imagined being able to say things without worrying about other peoples reactions? I have, and I am sure you have, at least once.  

    For the past 6 months I have thought daily of what I would say if I could say it.  I have imagined perfect settings, beautifully crafted words, and the ideal response. I have planned it all out in my mind, down to every last detail.  But then I remember, this is never going to happen.  Things a rarely, if ever, perfect.  People never react they way you hope they will, and no matter how many times you practice your script, something about the delivery will be faulty.

  Communication in todays world is technically so much easy, what with texting, and facebook, and e-mail. But sometimes all the technology makes everything so much harder. Nothing is personal anymore. Nothing is special.  I wish that it was still "cool" to send letters. I wish that people still had the guts to talk face to face rather than send thing through the wire.  I am totally a hypocrite by saying this, because I know how to text up a storm, and most of the time you can find me with my phone nearby.  Even so, I still wish things were different.

   More than anything though, I wish I could truly follow John Mayer's advice in this song. I wish that I could say what I need to say, and not be afraid.  But I can't, at least not yet. I am too afraid of the way things would be after I say that thing.  I am afraid that things could turn bad,but I am also afraid that they could turn out the way I want them to.   This is something I struggle with daily, but I know that someday I will overcome it all. I will be able to say that thing, to that person. Eventually I have to say it, or it will be something I regret for the rest of my life. My goal is to never regret anything, but I don't think that that is possible.  I have regrets, lots of them actually.  But I would rather not let not saying something I needed to say be one.